trucatalyst

A New Kind of Flight

In Uncategorized on August 11, 2012 at 1:26 pm

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If you haven’t noticed, I very rarely share anything about my personal love life. I do this intentionally, mainly, because I am far from an expert in that arena.

I have had my fair share of false starts in the long runs of my relationships and a lot them were an intentional default. A large part of me didn’t want to finish the race with anyone because I was terrified that they would slow me down.

I didn’t grow up training to be the perfect wife, and I never thought winning the gold meant I would meet a handsome prince charming at the end of the race. Instead of lacing up sneakers to fall into the pack, I spent my days trying to build wings to fly solo.

I dreamt of soaring over open roads, laughing with complete strangers, big city lights, a worn out leather notebook by my side and a handful of colorful feathers that I could shed onto all of the darkness in the world as I flew by.

Having given my wings a rest recently, I decided to catch up with a very good friend of mine (a future 2016 Olympic gold medalists I must add) who knew me well before I knew myself. He told me that if he could sum up who he thought I was in a couple of words it’d be an “athlete” and a “dreamer.”

Hearing his words almost brought me to tears because I was reminded of how much I have lost touch with those aspects of myself over the years. My time is no longer filled with overworked muscles and doodling my dreams in a notebook, I have new priorities.

And although I have experienced an immeasurable amount of joy on this newfound path, a loving relationship being one of them, I still fear that I won’t be able to sustain the best of all worlds forever. And by all, I mean, my relationship, my career, and most importantly, myself.

Which leads me to wonder, can you ever fully love someone without losing a part of yourself in the process?

Even more, can you ever give all of yourself to another person, a TRU calling, and still have left over pieces for yourself as well?

After everything I’ve been through, it may sound out of character, but I would like to believe that you can…Maybe opening up your heart in love simply means that you’re learning a new way to fly… Or maybe, I’m just closer to the “dreamer” part of myself than I thought. And for now, that is enough for me.

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Beyond the Sheets…

In Uncategorized on August 5, 2012 at 1:10 pm

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Like a cozy, silk, blanket my life has been quite comforting these days. I have very little to complain about and so much to be grateful for, yet this ‘comfort’ state is a little bit scary for me.

I feel that by wrapping too much of my days in the comfort of this warm embrace, I may neglect the will to push new boundaries.

I have been secretly craving a higher sense of purpose in the past few weeks. Some sort of desire or a fabulous feeling to ignite inside and force me to want to jump out of bed in the morning and leave the comfort of my seductive sheets behind.

Which leads me to wonder, when is it ok to nestle up to your life’s blessings and relax in the safety of it’s promise? And when is it time to throw off the covers and get our feet wet on a new, mysterious, path towards a different chapter in our stories?

How do we know whether we should be leaving our comfort zone or cuddling up next to its’ security?

Am I satisfied with where I am at in my career, personal relationships and physical, emotional and mental health? And if so, is it because I am settling?

Is my life overflowing with enough passion to push me towards another level of both personal and professional success? If not, why not?

Maybe I have yet to find the answers, but as a good friend recently told me, sometimes the questions are even more important than the answers because it proves that you are still growing on your journey.

So, although I am leaving off in a peculiar median, somewhere in between my comfort and my craving for more, I will invite today as the beginning of a brand new day, and even more, a beautiful new beginning beyond the boundaries of my own barriers…

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A Wishing Well of Inspiraiton-

In Uncategorized on July 10, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I used to have this picture taped on my bathroom mirror in my old apartment. It is a photograph from a newspaper of a young female Author doing a reading at a nearby Barnes & Nobles, and the note card that reads “beautiful” was a souvenir from a workshop I had done at a local high school- both reminding me to always love myself and to never give up on my dreams (something I can never be reminded of enough).

Now, a few years later, after having a pretty rough day, I found myself looking through old books for inspiration. I ended up coming across my first AA book where both this crumbled up newspaper image and the “beautiful” notecard were hiding in chapter 11 (my lucky number I might add). Instantly, I was given what I needed to pick my head & heart back up.

Sometimes it’s more difficult then I’d like to admit to stay motivated and keep my creative intuition on full time active duty in my day to day life. Wether it’s trying to seek the will to write, the drive to workout, the passion to stay up late working, the desire to eat healthy, or even the time to pamper myself a little, seeking inspiration can often feel like an endless battle (and with some of the hits I take my armor isn’t built to last forever).

Thankfully, I’m beginning to realize that sometimes all you have to do is is open up your lil heart and surround yourself with something or someone beautiful and let the answers come to you (like chapter 11 did for me). Find the light that is already surrounding you and have it shine directly onto all of the darkness that is hindering your ability to move forward.

For in the end you will discover that as much as we “seek out” and “look for” motivation in this crazy world, if we look close enough we will always find that it is not “out there” but within us– and believe it or not, it’s not only full of great ideas and enough passion to put the Notebook to shame, but it’s an infinite well of inspiration… because it’s you!

You are the inspiration…. now get out of your own way and let you do your job 🙂