trucatalyst

Archive for August, 2011|Monthly archive page

A Time to Let In & A Time to Let Go

In Uncategorized on August 15, 2011 at 3:16 pm

So there I was standing in the middle of the Sky Harbor Airport, one-way ticket in hand.

“You can do this” I tried to reassure myself, “you can do this”

It was so easy leaving home the first time, why was I fighting it so much now?

Perhaps it was because I became too attached and too dependent on my family and close friends.

They crippled me damnit!

Now getting on this plane means I am no-longer safe, and that I can no-longer reign in the comfort of such familiar territory- I am on my own once again. It’s just me, and whatever life I managed to fit into these few, oversized carry-ons.

“Maybe I should just stay” I tried to convince myself.

But I knew that the only thing worse then leaving, was staying.

I could hear my flight number being called overhead, and my feet stuttered as they motioned toward the planes entrance corridor,

“I don’t think I can do this.”

Trying to stay composed, I took one last look at the empty Arizona sky, whose stars were hanging in the heavens like a painting on a wall, and I knew what I had to do.

As I handed my ticket over to the flight attendant, I thought back to a quote that I had once read,

“The only thing constant in this world is change, and the most successful people,

are those who can most easily adapt to it.”

Leaving was definitely not easy for me, but I guess following your heart never is.

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When It Rains, It Pours

In Uncategorized on August 11, 2011 at 4:37 am

So there I was, alone, cradled up in the fetal position and sobbing my eyes out. I had given up a steady job, a beautiful apartment, the pursuit of my education, and a love that my heart just wasn’t ready to let go of- all in the same week.

The storm had officially hit.

So what’s a girl to do when she finds herself, jobless, loveless, and living back at home with her parents?

The only thing I knew how to do of course- I threw myself one hell of a pity party! I literally stayed molded to the sheets of my bed for 4 consecutive days, only getting up when my bladder was about to burst.

But then, like any good party- last call came rolling in and I knew it had to end. Unfortunately for me, I wasn’t even allowed to attend the after party.

So there I was, emotionally defeated and feeling like I would never love or live happily ever after again.

Truth was, I was struggling to balance my feet in the shoes of two completely different women- one being the person I thought the outside world wanted me to be, while the other was being the perfectly imperfect women I truly am (needless to say, leading a double life wasn’t working out).

Once I accepted that I had lost every part of the false identity that I thought I wanted  (the job, the apartment, the relationship), I was forced onto a new path- a TRU path- the one that you are reading right now.

I literally had to start from scratch to rebuild not only my life, but my self-worth as well. I had lost all of ambitions, confidence and drive during my elongated period of self-loathing and in order to pick myself back up, I had to fight for my “shitty” life.

There were many days where I wondered why I had to work so hard to be happy, but no-matter how much I wanted to quit fighting, each day- I found myself getting a little bit stronger.

Within a few short months of actually investing time, money and energy into myself- I immediately felt results.

Now, when I think back to that broken and lonely girl who was cradled up inside of herself alone, always feeling so alone, I can now smile and feel genuinely grateful.

I am grateful for every heartache, scar and tear that I have endured in order to get to where I am today, not because they have made me who I am, but because they remind me of who I deserve to be.

So welcome to the newest and most fearless chapter in my life- Somewhere in-between the person that I was and the person I am finally ready to be!

And as for the storm, it hasn’t fully past yet, but this time,

You will find me dancing in the rain.