trucatalyst

Archive for August, 2012|Monthly archive page

A New Kind of Flight

In Uncategorized on August 11, 2012 at 1:26 pm

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If you haven’t noticed, I very rarely share anything about my personal love life. I do this intentionally, mainly, because I am far from an expert in that arena.

I have had my fair share of false starts in the long runs of my relationships and a lot them were an intentional default. A large part of me didn’t want to finish the race with anyone because I was terrified that they would slow me down.

I didn’t grow up training to be the perfect wife, and I never thought winning the gold meant I would meet a handsome prince charming at the end of the race. Instead of lacing up sneakers to fall into the pack, I spent my days trying to build wings to fly solo.

I dreamt of soaring over open roads, laughing with complete strangers, big city lights, a worn out leather notebook by my side and a handful of colorful feathers that I could shed onto all of the darkness in the world as I flew by.

Having given my wings a rest recently, I decided to catch up with a very good friend of mine (a future 2016 Olympic gold medalists I must add) who knew me well before I knew myself. He told me that if he could sum up who he thought I was in a couple of words it’d be an “athlete” and a “dreamer.”

Hearing his words almost brought me to tears because I was reminded of how much I have lost touch with those aspects of myself over the years. My time is no longer filled with overworked muscles and doodling my dreams in a notebook, I have new priorities.

And although I have experienced an immeasurable amount of joy on this newfound path, a loving relationship being one of them, I still fear that I won’t be able to sustain the best of all worlds forever. And by all, I mean, my relationship, my career, and most importantly, myself.

Which leads me to wonder, can you ever fully love someone without losing a part of yourself in the process?

Even more, can you ever give all of yourself to another person, a TRU calling, and still have left over pieces for yourself as well?

After everything I’ve been through, it may sound out of character, but I would like to believe that you can…Maybe opening up your heart in love simply means that you’re learning a new way to fly… Or maybe, I’m just closer to the “dreamer” part of myself than I thought. And for now, that is enough for me.

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Beyond the Sheets…

In Uncategorized on August 5, 2012 at 1:10 pm

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Like a cozy, silk, blanket my life has been quite comforting these days. I have very little to complain about and so much to be grateful for, yet this ‘comfort’ state is a little bit scary for me.

I feel that by wrapping too much of my days in the comfort of this warm embrace, I may neglect the will to push new boundaries.

I have been secretly craving a higher sense of purpose in the past few weeks. Some sort of desire or a fabulous feeling to ignite inside and force me to want to jump out of bed in the morning and leave the comfort of my seductive sheets behind.

Which leads me to wonder, when is it ok to nestle up to your life’s blessings and relax in the safety of it’s promise? And when is it time to throw off the covers and get our feet wet on a new, mysterious, path towards a different chapter in our stories?

How do we know whether we should be leaving our comfort zone or cuddling up next to its’ security?

Am I satisfied with where I am at in my career, personal relationships and physical, emotional and mental health? And if so, is it because I am settling?

Is my life overflowing with enough passion to push me towards another level of both personal and professional success? If not, why not?

Maybe I have yet to find the answers, but as a good friend recently told me, sometimes the questions are even more important than the answers because it proves that you are still growing on your journey.

So, although I am leaving off in a peculiar median, somewhere in between my comfort and my craving for more, I will invite today as the beginning of a brand new day, and even more, a beautiful new beginning beyond the boundaries of my own barriers…

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